$14.99 / Perfectbound
ISBN: 9781608441792
236 pages
Also available at fine
bookstores everywhere
|
|
Excerpt from the Book
Chapter Three
The Name Game: Dr Who?
“Reader’s Digest says that laughter is the best medicine. Boy have they got it backwards.”
Author Unknown
In our salad days of research we turned our attention to the curious matter of physicians’ names. This might never have occurred were it not for the early discovery by others that there are MDs in this country actually named – hold your ponies – Doctor. Imagine our delight at finding nine of these curiosities in existence. Sensing the tip of a comical iceberg, we needed to determine just how far this freaky Doctor Doctor thing might go. So we poured a Riesling and jumped right in. By dawn’s wretched light we had stumbled upon two dozen MDs with the names Lance and Poke. Not to be outshined was another bunch and a half named Drill, Cutter and Scope. And although we were unable to locate anybody named Suture or Suction, we roundly cheered the reality of several Dr. Needles. This was going to be a hoot.
Now, some of these individuals have names their patients in pain should find downright comforting. If we went to doctors at all, we’d probably choose lads and lassies named Fix, Cure and Heal. And who wouldn’t? Consider how neat it would be if they were to hang shingles alongside counterparts named Smart, Wise and Sharp. Heck, it would be like “Bowling for Dollars.” What an unfair advantage they would have over the eight degreed unfortunates named Blewitt and Croak, Butz and Klutz.
Occasionally a doc’s name bears witness to his particular specialty, in keeping with some cosmic rhythm. We stumbled upon an orthopedic surgeon named Bone and a skin dude named Rash. Could there be any doubt that Dr. Couch was a psychiatrist? And don’t you just know that Dr. Gass was destined to become an anesthesiologist, pretty much from the moment of sperm-greets-egg?
Sadly, this Feng Shui of nominative determinism does not hold true for all 800,000 MDs in the country, as the Lord most likely intended. Perhaps that’s why our medical system is in such turmoil: our healthcare yin & yang is off-center. Consider that the United States has spawned eleven doctors named Pollen, Dust and Mold, and yet not one of them is an allergist. For that matter, Drs. Stool, Kidney, Nose and Arms don’t work in their proper fields either. Nary a one of the six Dr. Bloods is a hematologist, and Dr. Heine toys with other, less-fun parts entirely, which as far as we’re concerned is just plain wrong.
In closing, keep in mind that Dr. Flesh, Dr. Gore, Dr. Achey and Dr. Fuss are all licensed and legal, and ready to play with your body. And if our little prelude to this chapter strikes you as irritating, why, you just trundle on down to the sofas of Dr. Gripe, Dr. Bicker or Dr. Looney, who would just love to hear all about it.
And no, we aren’t Pullen your Legge here, not even a little bit.
|
|